I came home early from work today in tears, the kind of tears that don’t quite escape your eyelid and dry and make them all sticky… And it hit me. This is why so many trans people commit suicide. It fucking hurts. It hurts like hell, and no amount of love and understanding, no amount of self-awareness is going to get my body back. Not that I ever had a female body, but no one ever said this shit made sense either.
I will never commit suicide. I have shrinks and drugs and I wouldn’t put my people through that. But I understand why people do it now, I mean I understood before, but I never just sat and faced the pain of this before. I don’t want to describe it.
I have to go back. I put on a pot of coffee and ate some cheerios. I made this playlist. It’s going to be ok.
The Bird and the Bee – The Races (Please Clap Your Hands)
The Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1 (Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots)
The Beta Band – Human Being (Hot Shots, Vol. 2)
The Bird and the Bee – Ray Gun (Ray Guns are not Just the Future)
Metric – Raw Sugar (Grow Up and Blow Away)
No Doubt – Just a Girl (Tragic Kingdom)
Coldplay – Viva La Vida (Viva La Vida)
The White Stripes – Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine (Elephant)