The sun doesn’t come up for a couple of hours now.
It’s 4 days into my SRS literature review. I’ve looked at 1000s of scientific articles over the years and you just get a feel for them, you get a sense for what the scientists are feeling. And at least a few of the sex change surgeons think sex changes are hilarious. Cruelly, it’s the surgical pictures and diagrams that are most telling.
I’d never drooled on a paper before. I won’t read too much into that.
Your heart surgeon thinks your condition is hilarious.
I’ve never felt so uniquely alone, so doomed.
Day 3, I start drinking, eating, binging, purging. I’d never done that before. Unsurprisingly – apparently unsurprisingly – I don’t think much of it. Apparently, cramming the gender dysphoria literature causes this sense of bodily disintegrity. I try to get some sleep.
It’s 3:30. Today I’ll read those 3 articles that describe the finer points of why it’s a bad idea to do an orchiectomy (orchidectomy?) before the whole sex change business; 3 articles some literature review group felt were significant out of a vast and confused body of knowledge. Then I’ll continue skimming the references cited by The Human Rights Campaign’s list of insurance policies that have transgender background sections. There’s got to be some hope in there somewhere.
Spring break forever.