I look in the mirror and I feel normal, but I’m ugly, and I need to work on that. Maybe that’s a normal thought to have…
Experiencing estrogen for the first time is difficult to describe. It’s a subjective experience.
It’s like having your body sense – that intuition of where your limbs are and the position of every joint – become subtle. And I realized that I had been painfully consciously aware of my body for as long as I can remember. Now it’s as if someone turned the volume down.
At first it felt like my arms weren’t even there – in a pleasant way. I was briefly worried about bumping into things, but that didn’t happen. Then I got used to it, now it feels normal.
At least that’s my experience as someone who’s trans. And I’m definitely trans, I know this now. I’m more relieved than angry. It feels like I have my life ahead of me, which I’ve rarely felt. It’s nice.
I’m starting on spironolactone soon, and I’m afraid to. Illogical, but true.