dissolved girl

I’ve been home for two weeks now, and I don’t know where to begin.


I’m talking with my Mom and she thinks that I’m a healthier person than I was a year ago, and that no one will relate to me as a woman.  This is uplifting and annoying – but I was expecting the worst, so I didn’t immediately absorb the impact of her words.


I’m walking down the street and for a second I could have sworn I was dreaming.  I spend the rest of the day wishing I was, and that I would wake up.


I’m hanging out with my Dad and I can’t tell him anything about myself, anything new.  He asks what’s on my mind and I tell him nothing, just some random memory.  It’s all I can do to keep from bursting into tears.


I see those Macy’s posters that just say ‘believe’ with their oddly beautiful cover girl and I wonder if she’s a real person.


When I get home and throw my pocket debris on the table, I notice this pack of gum.  It reads, “Neither just sweet nor just peppermint, sweet peppermint is suffering from a delicious identity crisis…  but he’s a little sensitive about it, so we’ll leave it at that.”  The inside is covered with graf-style Queen of Hearts and King of Hearts scenes of chaos.  And a strangely anthropomorphic pair of scissors cutting a playing card in half.  If you turn the pack upside down, there’s a manish queen with a Jay Leno chin, more chaos.  I was dumbstruck.



5 thoughts on “dissolved girl

  1. You know… I worried about the same thing, how people would relate to me and you know what? At least in public, to my face, I have been treated as a woman especially by other women. I once spoke of being worried about how I presented and was told I if the person I was speaking to didn’t know my story she would never have thought twice about me, all she saw was a happy, confident woman. You see there are as many types of people as there are people. We are each uniquely unique and as long as we are confident in ourselves, then most people will never think to question us. Are there exceptions? Of course. Is there the possibility of encountering a dangerous situation? Unfortunately, yes.

    Yet we cannot allow such things, even valid fears, to dictate our actions. A little common sense and caution go a long way but living a life ruled by fear is not living at all.

    Best regards,


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